🥃 Sobriety Diary #3: How to have a sober Hot Boy Summer™️

I don't miss drinking, and I never really did. I never had a physical reaction to my sobriety, and for that I consider myself extremely lucky. It's one of the reasons I don't think of myself as an "Alcoholic" or someone with a "Drinking Problem" - to me, those terms are reserved for more serious cases, and I just never fit the bill. Of course, I thought my drinking was moderately problematic at the time, but it was fairly easy to quit, so it couldn't really have been a problem, right?

Right?

There are times, however, where my sobriety is inconvenient. It's hard to find somewhere to hang out in nice weather that has food and entertainment that doesn't center drinking. Breweries, vineyards, beer gardens - they're so much fun, but you feel like a pariah if you don't at least order a beer, and the ones that offer NA options are few and far between (although, in most cases, they've avoided the non-alc trap of just adding grenadine to orange juice).

So, what's a wannabe-hot-boy to do for sober summer? Any/all of these tips can be used in combination, so feel free to run with them. And got any better ideas? Let me know!

Be the proud sober friend.

Okay, this is the first (of many) fairly obvious points, but don't go drinking alone! I've spent plenty of time alone at a bar, and it can be an interesting experience, but definitely not a healthy or fun one! And to be honest, it's even worse if you're sober. Bartenders assume you're trying to be cheap, other patrons don't feel like you deserve your seat, etc.

Enter: friendship. Bring your friends out with you! Go out with them when they go out! Everyone loves a sober friend! You can drive, plan the night, and help people not make mistakes!

And remember: besides the fact that you're not drinking, your night is basically the same as theirs. Wanna yell at a TV, flirt with someone, dance? You can! You don't need be drunk to do any of those things. And while everyone loves the sober friend, no one loves the wet blanket. That's the difference between being "DD for the night" and "Sober Friend" - when you're DD-ing, you always feel like you're taking one for the team. But as the sober friend, this is your normal! You can be as silly, dumb, friendly, etc. as you want!

Drink more Beer

Nonalcoholic beer, that is. Almost all bars have one, and they're all better than O'Douls. You can usually find Heineken 0 or Michelob Ultra 0 at any bar. Fancier places will have other options, but definitely try as many as you can.

Lots of breweries (big box, traditional, and craft) will offer at least one or two NA options. If your favorite brewery makes one, definitely order it. You'll probably be surprised at how not-shitty it tastes.

There are also dedicated NA breweries (Athletic and Hoplark come to mind, though I'm sure there are tons more) - in my experience, these taste "like beer" but are very distinct to their brand. I'm never going to mistake an Athletic for another brand. That being said, since these breweries only focus on NA brews, their selection is usually much larger (maybe not at every bar, but definitely in grocery stores or on their website). I've had Athletics standard beers (a few IPAs, and golden, etc.) but also their Summer Radler, Octoberfest, Extra Dark, Mexican Copper, etc. Their all wonderful.

Then there's the world of hopped seltzers. Since hops are a major component of the taste of beer without any of the alcohol, adding hops to seltzer makes you think you're having a beer, even if it doesn't quite taste like it. It's like if La Croix made a beer flavored seltzer - the hint of it is there, but also not quite? Great for staying hydrated by the pool or at the beach.

Don't say "Mocktail"

This might be just me, but I hate the term "mocktail". First of all, we use the term "cocktail" in a variety of places to refer to a mixture of ingredients. And while we've culturally associated that with alcohol, a traditional Arnold Palmer, for example (lemonade and iced tea), is a cocktail!

Now, semantics aside, sometimes you feel silly ordering a "virgin Shirley Temple". I get it. I really do. So let's talk about what you can get and not feel like a loser.

Seltzer with Lime: A classic, no one's gonna bat an eye. Plus, it looks like a G+T.

Cola with a cherry: Looks cute, keeps you caffeinated, is tasty. A perfect 10/10.

Seltzer with ___: Adding any juice to seltzer immediately makes it a cocktail. Pretty, colorful juices (mango, pineapple, cranberry) can also layer really nice. And, if the bar has NA bitters (or, if the minimal amount of alcohol in bitters doesn't concern you), they really add a nice flavor to any combo, even just to seltzer by itself.

NA Cocktails: Some places might have a full NA cocktail menu. If so, fantastic! But, if not, there are tons of simple ones you can ask for. Just remember that you might need to let folks know how to make them - ordering a "No-groni" might get you lots of blank stares:

• Nojito
  Club soda, simple syrup, lime juice, and mint.
  • Okay, I clearly don't love cutesy names, but a NA Mojito is perfect. It's refreshing, it's sweet, and it's cute! Just remember that mojitos are one of the most annoying drinks in the world to make - don't order this if the bar is any kind of busy.
• Bee's Knees
  Club soda, lemon juice, honey, rosemary sprig and/or lemon for garnish
  • This is one I've ordered off of several NA Cocktail menus, but I'm assuming most bars could make it happen.
  • You could top this with sparkling cider for an NA French 75.
• Spicy Marg
  Lemonade/Limeade, Orange Juice, Lime Juice, Agave Nectar, Hot Sauce, Tajin rim and lime juice for garnish
  • NA Margs are tricky, because Tequila has such a distinct flavor. But remember, you're not trying to fool anyone, you're just trying to create a fun drink. And if you don't like a salted rim, you're wrong.
  • Obviously, you could leave out the hot sauce and swap the tajin for salt for a regular marg, but a. the spice makes this taste less like juice, and b. spicy margs are better.
• Bloody Mary
  Tomato juice, horseradish, hot sauce, pepper, lemon juice, celery stick, olives, and whatever other bullshit they offer for garnish
  • Classic brunch fair, and with enough other nonsense that you won't really miss the vodka. TBH, I don't love a Bloody Mary, but you really can't tell the difference between an alcoholic and non-alcoholic one.
• Mimosas
  Orange juice, club soda, in a champagne flute
  • Simple, elegant, full of vitamin C.
  • Obviously, can sub or add any juice as you want.

All of that being said...

Just remember that the point of going out is to have fun, see your friends (or make new ones) and relax. For some people, having fun and relaxing are easier with a drink. Not necessarily everyone.

And for the love of god, tip your bartenders the same for an NA drink and an alcoholic one. And don't bitch about the price of NA drinks to them - they're not setting prices. Don't be a dick.

Did I miss something? Please let me know - I'm still getting my feet wet in the sober world, so if you have other tips, I'd love to hear them.