📵 How I'm Getting Rid of My Screens

We had a computer room when I was a kid. It was a combination guest room/office (though, my parents were both teachers and this was the 90s, so people weren't really working from home), and it had this gigantic armoire-looking desk. The desk had a spot for your computer monitor, CPU, printer, speakers, subwoofer, and a roll-out keyboard and mouse tray.

That was in the age of dial-up internet, AOL trial CDs, and that windows screensaver that kind of looked like you were in a brick maze or something, so the internet was a different place. But I remember the absolute gravitational pull that the computer had on me. I wanted to sit in front of that weird blue glowing cube and...I don't know what. I didn't know what it could do. Read stuff? Click buttons?

Obviously, I've been trying to take stock of my digital footprint (or, more accurately, the footprint that the digital world has put on me and my life) - that's why you're reading this blog in the first place (getting rid of social media and all that).

But, even outside of the "socials" space, I've still felt too connected to my devices. Games, news, puzzles, I was just scrolling different apps, tapping on different pixels and smashing my dopamine receptors with different inputs. The other day, I was playing a video game with the tv on and a podcast in the background - what the hell is wrong with me?!

I then stumbled onto an episode of Life Kit from NPR about modeling good screen habits for your kids. Lord knows I don't want Theo to be a drooling pair of eyeballs glued to a skibiti toilet, and I like Life Kit in general (if you don't listen, I recommend it - it makes you feel hopeful about improving yourself in small ways), so I figured I'd pop it on.

Well reader, let me tell you, it completely sold me. I'm trying my damndest to change my device habits; both for Theo's benefit, but for mine as well.

And lemme tell you, it's awesome!

What Am I Doing?

The Life Kit episode, like all of them do, lays out a few guiding principles. I've adapted them to kind of meet my own needs, but I'm following three main rules:

When Theo is home (and awake), my phone, iPad, and laptop are all either in my office or my bedroom.

This was the biggest one - I know I'm as guilting of phubbing (a term I learned from NPR that means "phone-snubbing", basically when someone's talking to you but you're looking at your phone going "mmhmm, yeah, uh-huh") as anyone else. it's hard, because phones make multi-tasking so accessible - you could be having a conversation with someone and planning to get dinner with someone else at the same time!

Around your friends, it's rude at best. But around your kids? God, I hated that feeling. And I knew I wasn't just gonna be able to "try harder", so my phone goes away.

I've got an Apple Watch, so if I get calls or texts, I can quickly see if they're urgent. If they are, I can excuse myself from whatever we're doing, go take care of it, and come back. Done.

This means when we're playing, that's all I'm focused on. When we're eating dinner, we're talking and eating (not at the same time because choking, but you know). If we're watching TV, I'm engaging with Theo about whatever we're watching (another common tip for watching TV with kids - make sure to make it a social activity instead of just a screen-based baby sitter whenever possible).

My phone and watch live either in my office or my closet at night (not on my nightstand)

I'm not going to lie to you, this one might be the hardest. My phone is everything - work, social life, alarm clock, light switch, thermostat, news, game, books. And I can usually make do without that if I'm walking around the house, but once I'm cozy in bed?

But, everyone knows that it's not good for you to sleep near your phone, right? Like, every study in the world says that. And I know I'm not special enough to be the exception to that rule. So, phone goes away.

I set up a charging dock in my closet - it's close enough that when my alarm goes off, I can get it (though it does force me out of bed, which is also good). I've got a book and a book light on my nightstand (I hate linking to Amazon, but it's a great book light), and a remote to handle the house's light/thermostat automations. I probably need a proper alarm clock at some point (though, not knowing what time it is when you wake up in the middle of the night has it's perks), but otherwise, I'm all set.

Keep device use in social situations to an absolute minimum

This one just felt like common courtesy, but I still need to mention it. Phubbing your kid is bad - phubbing other people (while less neurologically damaging) is still rude as hell.

So, what am I doing in social situations?

• Narration: If I'm around someone and need to grab my phone for something, explain what's going on. "Oh, so sorry, something just came up from work - I just need to send a quick message." - easy! Anything other than that (a message/email/text that needs a response) can probably wait.
• Limited Use: Kind of obvious, but I'll only use my phone around others for the thing I'm describing. If I say "I need to reply to someone from work", I'm not going to send that reply, then open Wordle (or, let's be real, Pips). Do the thing I have to do, then get back to reality.
• Second Location: If something's going to take more than 30 seconds (an arbitrary amount of time, to be clear), go somewhere else. Need to 👍 something on Slack? Easy. Need to explain to a client why I can't clean 500 email addresses every week? Maybe step away. "I actually need to jump on something urgent at work. It should only take a few minutes, and I'll be right back." (pro-tip, this'll also give you another topic of conversation when you get back)

As always, I don't know if any of this will work. I'm not even sure what "working" would look like - I don't have a ton of goals or metrics to measure this against.

But I can tell you that last night, Theo, Em and I played in front of the fireplace for an hour with no screens or anything. In fact, the only interruption was my neighbor literally coming over to ask for a cup of flour (I couldn't make this shit up).

If you're reading this, it's almost definitely on a screen - computer, phone, tablet (if any of you are printing these out and reading them, then 👏👏👏). They're not bad things by any means. But I feel like I've been a little too attached, so I'm trying to be a little better.